Got my own website with the dot com Take it out the bag, open stove like Top Ramen
I get weird looks sometimes when I tell people that I don’t listen to Lil B because I think he’s funny; granted, I do think that Brandon McCartney can be hilarious, but I don’t listen to him to laugh. I listen to Lil B not only because I think he’s a great rapper, but also because he’s just about as intriguing as rappers come; he has, like, seven releases this year, and one of them is called I’m Gay. That aside, “I’m God” is always the first song I play for people who are convinced that Lil B can’t rhyme, because the way he delivers the first two lines (“My new name is Based God, ice cream paint job/only come out in the dim lights, vampire”) is just oozing with effortless swagger and begging to be taken seriously.
Luke has countdown duty today, and today he’s ranking a fairly broad category: the top 5 rap album covers that prominently feature the rapper(s) on the cover.
5. J Dilla - Donuts
Like many others, I really can’t try and analyze any aspect about Donuts without getting extremely depressed, but… he looks so happy. Damn.
4. Jay-Z - The Blueprint
I shouldn’t have to explain this one. In brief, it’s all about that camera angle, and it’s a very defined change from Jay’s earlier album covers. A new era in art, and a new era in rap. That last sentence was a crock of bullshit, but you know what I mean.
3. Ghostface Killah - Supreme Clientele
Despite the fact that Ghostface Killah usually looks more like a lumberjack than someone who was in the fucking Wu-Tang Clan, he sure knows how to grip a mic in a manner that says “my songs are best played at a very high volume and I am not afraid to compare myself to pasta.”
2. OutKast - Stankonia
One of rap’s best “cover art/music” connections, the image you see above manages to capture all of “B.O.B.“‘s blind fury and worldly presence in a neat, 300 x 300 px package. It’s weird to think that Andre and Big Boi did it all just by painting a flag black.
1. T.I. - King
I don’t even know how this happened. The cover of King does nothing special in the way of editing, yet it’s one of the most memorable album covers ever. I’m not going to sit here and break it down, but just look at the shadow on T.I.’s face. Look at the font. Look at the angle at which his hat is tipped. I mean… Jesus Christ.
This song really isn’t supposed to be here; if licensing on YouTube wasn’t so touchy, today’s Jukebox would be The-Dream’s “F.I.L.A.,” my favorite song of 2010 and my current ringtone (although I’m not exactly quick to admit that.) It’s okay though: while “Throw Some D’s” doesn’t hold the same place in my heart, its hooks are undeniable, its intro is hilarious, and its lyrics are completely ridiculous to the point where you can’t help but love them
EVERY FREAK SHOULD HAVE A PICTURE OF MY DICK ON THEY WALL
A good album name can intrigue, fascinate, entertain, or offend even before you listen to the album itself. As such, having a good album title can prep you for the attitude of the album. Mitch tends to prefer either long, silly titles or short, sweet ones, so we’ll see how this goes! Here are the Top 5 Album Titles.
5. Tyler, the Creator - BASTARD
It’s kind of difficult to decide whether he’s insulting you or branding himself— either could work for Tyler’s deeply-dysfunctional and misanthropic world view. Frankly I think this title works better in all-caps, since it’s more confrontational and exciting. After all, why title your album Bastard if you’re not going to go all the way with it?
4. Fela Kuti - Expensive Shit
No, I’m not just going to put a bunch of album titles with swear words in them on this list. But something about the phrase “Expensive shit” tickles my pickle. Of course, it’s a bit of a letdown to find out the story behind the album title, which is kind of gross (it’s literally a shit that is expensive) but the phrase, disregarding everything else, is still pretty cool, in my opinion.
3. Yo La Tengo - I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass
Do I even have to explain the appeal of this album title? It’s goddamn hilarious and badass at the same time. The fact that they’d call an album this just makes it even better. It’s also completely idiosyncratic in the Yo La Tengo album naming canon since they aren’t known for smarmy or smartass album titles.
2. The Beach Boys - Smile
I have no doubt that if Smile had even been released it would have been one of the best albums ever— maybe even the best album ever— and what better way to title a generation-defining work of art than a simple, positive verb? Smiling is one of the simplest things ever and yet one of the most powerful at the same time. I can’t even describe why I like this so much. It’s just so elemental. Just one word, that’s it. Smile.
1. Mclusky - My Pain and Sadness is More Sad and Painful Than Yours
And of course I give the award of “Best Album Title” to a silly, aggressive and completely un-serious title. The name of Mclusky’s debut album perfectly sums up their pretentions of being complete assholes. I mean, they would be the kind of guys to compete to have the most pain and sadness in order to (it’s implied) one-up everyone else. It’s endearing, funny, brilliant and satirical at the same time.
Algernon Cadwallader - Casual Discussion in a Dome Between Two Temples (from Some Kind of Cadwallader, 2008)
I don’t “get” emo music. I don’t know shit about chord progressions or why a band like Algernon Cadwallader is supposed to be good. All I know is that Some Kind of Cadwallader is a wonderful record, even if it is just Cap’n Jazz worship (which is by no means a bad thing.)
In this issue of The Countdown, Charlie lists the five best posse cuts of all time. For those unaware, a “posse cut” is a rap song that consists of a crew of rappers spitting nonstop verses. Often, these songs don’t have a point other than showing how strong a certain crew/bunch of rappers is. In other words, a posse cut is one of rap’s purest forms of braggadocio.
“Flow hot like a heatwave, bitch / Whips fatter than them shits they beat slaves with”
Even though Vol. 2: Hard Knock Life is far from Jay-Z’s best album, it does have its highlights. “Money, Cash, Hoes” is a fun song and “Can I Get A…” is nice to listen to once in a while. The best song on the record, however, is clearly “Reservoir Dogs”. Erick Sermon (!!!) brings a soulful and energetic production for Jay and his crew to flow over. Jay himself isn’t all that great, but all three members of The LOX absolutely destroy this song. Beanie Sigel and Sauce Money also hold their own. Also, notice Jadakiss’s prescience regarding Jay-Z’s career: “Gangstas don’t die, they get chubby and move to Miami.”
4. BG - Bling Bling (Feat. Big Tymers & Hot Boys)
“I pull up in the Expedition / They be like ‘No-ah-no-ah-no he didn’t!’”
I mentioned this song in my Cash Money-related Countdown a month or so ago, and for good reason. In my opinion, this is the definitive New Orleans song. You have every single important member of the Cash Money clique on one song. You have the trademark blippy late-90s Mannie Fresh beat. Most importantly, every distinctive sound of New Orleans rap is here. Birdman and Juvenile do their trademark offbeat, half-rap, half-soliloquy style and Lil’ Wayne provides an energetic, spastic flow.
3. Noreaga - Banned From TV (Feat. Nature, Big Pun, Cam’ron & The LOX)
“Holdin’ your fate in the palm of my hand / Blow you away like it’s part of the plan”
There’s a lot to this song. First, you have Nature killing a song like he never killed it before. Big Pun is predictably awesome. Cam’ron is showing early flashes of craziness. Jadakiss and Styles P rap…on the same verse? Somehow, it works. This beat is perfect for a posse cut. This is the first and last time that anyone will say a Swizz Beat is perfect for anything other than providing a soundtrack for you to hang yourself to.
2. Slim Thug - Welcome 2 Houston (Feat. Chamillionaire, Paul Wall, Mike Jones, Pimp C, Bun B, Lil Keke, Z-Ro, Trae, Rob G, Lil O, Big Pokey, Mike D & Yung Redd)
“I still represent H-Town, the city of the candy / They see me with a lot of cars, but they don’t understand it”
“Welcome 2 Houston” is a posse cut with a purpose. Slim Thug spearheads a group of 13 rappers with the purpose of showing people that Houston rap should be seriously. It’s an impressive track, to say the least. Every single rapper is focused on describing his city, illustrating the history and culture of Houston rap. The reflective nature of the song makes the Pimp C feature all the more effective. Usually, putting a “dead rapper feature” on a song (this has happened often with Tupac, Biggie, and Pimp C himself) is a horrific exhumation of a classic, but putting Pimp on this song almost feels necessary. This isn’t a Slim Thug song as much as it is a Houston song in general, and any mention of Houston rap must be accompanied by a mention of Pimp C. Putting Pimp C’s verse last brings the whole thing full-circle, and his last line encapsulates the entire song’s message: “I want it all, I just need a slice.”
1. Fat Joe - John Blaze (Feat. Nas, Big Pun, Jadakiss & Raekwon)
“The flicker blocker, wicked sneaker rocker footwear / Strike me out God, stackin up joints, rack em like Foot Locker”
Before Fat Joe was writing half-assed “Hey Ma” knockoffs and choreographing dances for those too simple-minded to do the Macarena, he was something of a respectable rapper. As Big Pun’s understudy, he never reached his master’s level of rap proficiency, but he could spit well enough to get a track with Nas and Raekwon. And what a track it is. Nas and Pun are great, but Raekwon absolutely rips this track into oblivion.
This is the kind of album whose sound can be described with just one question: what the hell? By the time the first two tracks were over, I had been listening to The Bedlam in Goliath for fourteen minutes and I was only one fifth of the way through the record. At this point I deduced that Omar Rodriguez-Lopez and Cedric Bixler-Zavala’s aim in creating the Mars Volta was to be as bizarre and alienating (1) as possible. I’m sure the band would not disagree.
Supposedly, The Bedlam in Goliath is a concept album about ouija bourds and Afro-Caribbean religion, but my knowledge of the storyline is limited to what I just skimmed through on Wikipedia to write this review (2). For the most part, I was unable to focus on any kind of plot structure anyway; I was far too concerned with the multitude of bizarre time signatures, the drumming that never seems to stop, and lyrics like “she fumigated my mental hygiene.” I think it goes without saying that the Mars Volta are a very easy band to hate.
Strangely enough, I came out of The Bedlam in Goliath feeling relatively indifferent to Omar and Cedric. Sure, 7-minute songs called “Agadez” (3) that are more concerned with being musically interesting than structurally and melodically sound aren’t exactly my cup of tea, but the Mars Volta have a pretty sizable fanbase that eats this shit up. Good for them. At least they’re enthusiastic about something.
(1). “Alienating” roughly translates into both “musically distant from the listener” and “I’m 95% sure that there are fucking UFO sound effects on this album.” (2). At least I’m honest. (3). A city in northern Niger. I’m guessing that Cedric just looked at a map of Africa, put his finger on the black dot he saw that had a ‘z’ in its name, and said “this is the name of track eight.”
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around… Comes Around (from FutureSex/LoveSounds, 2006)
This week, Luke, everyone’s least favorite Seas of Static writer, is handling the jukebox. Enjoy it while it lasts. Or don’t.
Justin Timberlake is part of a mysteriously exclusive breed, a commercial artist who is praised endlessly by elitist douchebags who desperately need something mainstream in their library to avoid looking like a complete prick who refuses to listen to anything else that people have heard of. Apparently people also like him because his music is catchy.
There’s one particular trend I’ve noticed with bands that are criticized of being repetitive. It’s a trend that could certainly apply to other bands, but I think Explosions in the Sky exhibits it best. The trend is that even when people criticize a band of being too repetitive, of mining the same well with increasingly lackluster results, that doesn’t retroactively make their first or first few albums worse. I mean, you’d think that wouldn’t happen. If people get so sick of this band’s formula— trebly guitar arpeggios and militaristic drum marches— then shouldn’t they be sick of this album, too? And yet as Explosions in the Sky continue to make more and more uninspired post-rock, this album’s position as a modern classic of sorts only solidifies. I call it “The Weezer Effect”.
Perhaps it’s because the band still had fresh ideas for this album. The real remarkable thing about this album when it came out was that it stripped post-rock down to its essence. That’s a particularly notable achievement because post-rock was a genre that was born out of various other genres: ambient, jazz, krautrock, drone, art rock. But this album was the one that turned it from a movement into a genre. If you want to know what post-rock sounds like, this is the album you should turn to.
As well, the band had finally solidified their sound and were eager to explore that sound. As has been stated before, that mostly involves spidery, fragile guitar figures and lots of snare rolls. But it’s a formula that the band dissects inside and out on this album so thoroughly that their further albums were rendered redundant. Above everything, The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place is an absolutely beautiful album. At worst it’s merely pleasant and at best it’s every bit as cathartic and inspirational as the title suggests.
I do believe the band has a future if they take the right steps; their song “Trembling Hands” was a big step in the right direction, with vocals (even if they were just a wordless chant), energetic pace and short runtime. If they had made more songs like that, maybe their new album Take Care, Take Care, Take Care would have been thrilling instead of more of the same. I really hope they change their formula up, because as far as I’m concerned, The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place just closed the book on this era of Explosions in the Sky.
The Cool Kids - 88 (from a live performance, studio version from The Bake Sale, 2008)
I have an incredibly painful headache which renders me incapable of writing coherent things about good songs. So, rest assured that this is a good song, and have a good weekend.
Charlie - Finds happiness in lacrosse, 90s noise rock and a good, hard jog. Did not like "Reservoir Dogs".
Luke - Resident Taco Bell and cardigan sweater enthusiast. Frequently quotes J.D. Salinger in conversation and hates himself for it.
Steve - Power-pop maniac, songwriter, and ladies man. Also has a strange interest in obscure disco singles from the 70s.
Mitch - Gives everything at least an 8/10. Listens to avant-garde and experimental stuff to look hip. Or maybe he actually likes it. Can't tell anymore.
